Last year a dream began to take shape in my heart.
I dreamt of returning from being abroad and finding a place with more than one bedroom, with some space.
Now, before you assume I was being all greedy, or just going through personal space withdraw after living with 12+ other females for almost a year, let me explain. The desire was to find a place with some space... space to open up to people. At that time, my heart was (and still is!) drawn to independent young ladies in the the hard, in-between state of graduating high school, but not quite able to get out on their own yet. The thought of being able to offer a bed or a room and to not have to charge full rent, (or any at all) was my thought. To be able to open up my home and space to someone was incredibly appealing. I have a huge heart for mentoring young ladies, and knew several in situations that could benefit from an invitation like this.
I wanted space to be able to say, "You are ALWAYS welcome here. Stay the night, cry on my throw pillows, have a good meal. And if you need to stay longer, hang your clothes in the closet and remove your shoes."
See, I have a heart for creating families outside of biological family. I'm positive it stems from the fact that I adore my family. We're not exactly television worthy, but we're close. My heart goes out to those who may not have that in their lives. Also, as an older single, I have had my share of framilies (friend-families) and I know the beauty of those scenarios. To have people welcome you into their homes, regardless of time or space, where you feel as comfortable opening the fridge and doing dishes as you do napping on their sofa or spending the night. I long to have that. To offer that.
I have gone home too many nights to a cold and empty apartment, I have attended too many church services with no invitation to share a meal after.
I never want other people to feel that way. I want to have a home, whether it is large, or even if it is crowded... actually, PLEASE! Let it be crowded! With people, family! I want to be the one who invites people over after a church service, that it is known that my door is always open and there will always be food or pillows or an ear to listen.
There is more that happens with this dream... I was sad and disappointed last year to not be anywhere near be able to afford a two-bedroom apartment, a sofa, or even a big enough kitchen or dining space to host meals for more than two. A truly confusing place to be is when you know your dreams are true and good, but to still not be able to grasp them.
These dreams haven't faded. They're still there... and yet...
I find myself about to move into a STUDIO apartment. In a different city. Talk about the unexpected. This is not what I would have thought or dreamed, and I don't know what will progress from here. I am sure, however, that this is all with purpose. The way things have come together is no accident. Not a coincidence. I do not know how life will play out- if my dreams will slowly start to develop and grow, even in a one room home, but I do know that my place will still always be open. If needed, you may have my bed and I will sleep on the sofa. It will be crowded and maybe a bit tight, but I will always offer my home to someone in need. I will always be willing to serve you what food I have (I hope you enjoy hummus! That's a staple in my fridge!) I always enjoy guests and will always have coffee and a heart ready to listen, comfort or laugh with you.
I'm not throwing my dream out just because it hasn't happened how I expected.
That would be ridiculous.