When It Hits

Earlier... this was me:   emogdenWhen you feel like a bus 🚌 ran over you during the night- you get up and take a blustery walk to get coffee and groceries while listening to a new audio book. While doing so you say a prayer or two and think some things over, are inspired by the book you're listening to and suddenly realize that you feel like, 80% better physically and mentally. You are now ready to pack up your apartment, purge your unneeded junk, see your friends, move and settle in and get back to work by Sunday. I mean- maybe it's just a recipe that works for me.... But you're welcome to try it.

Earlier... this was me:

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emogdenWhen you feel like a bus 🚌 ran over you during the night- you get up and take a blustery walk to get coffee and groceries while listening to a new audio book. While doing so you say a prayer or two and think some things over, are inspired by the book you're listening to and suddenly realize that you feel like, 80% better physically and mentally. You are now ready to pack up your apartment, purge your unneeded junk, see your friends, move and settle in and get back to work by Sunday. I mean- maybe it's just a recipe that works for me.... But you're welcome to try it.

So... was feeling pretty peppy. I had it together, I was crushing it at life. With a bounce in my step and music in my ears... 

Then it turned out that both my friends who were going to assist had either sick kiddos or doctor appointments. Which I understand and completely get. But it felt like a rude slap in the face after having such a content morning. Like, hey, remember? You're still single and when your friends have family things come up- you're still A L O N E. 

The food in my apartment is sparse right now because I'm moving... I was inspired to have food just delivered so I wouldn't get distracted by leaving... but apparently no one delivers to my neighborhood except pizza places. And I'm trying to eat healthier.

So I sat on my living room floor and cried. 

(...and I understand that these are pretty silly problems and I know I should just have some perspective and get on with it... but these were my thoughts.)

At the unfairness of it all. At the overwhelming familiarity. How one second I can feel as though I'm finally getting the hang of this thing called life... to where it almost feels like it mirrors the pretty life I portray on instagram and the lovely little dream in my head... only to be reminded that I really don't have anything figured out and I'm actually an emotional mess.

But such is life that even when its kicking you in the figurative balls, you get off the floor, make sure your mascara hasn't smeared that much and go get some soup to eat, some caffeine to drink and pull yourself together.

And then you have sweet family and friends who rally together because for some reason they read  the silly posts you put on social media and offer help, encouragement, food runs and company.

So.... I don't have it together ya'll... but somehow, life is still okay.