The thought came across my mind last night, on Christmas Eve, that its easier to pretend to be sleepy than to tell people you're sad. Especially during the Holidays. People sympathize and understand exhaustion and weariness. Everyone is working hard and sleeping a little less, running around trying to cross things off their lists.
A lot of people don't understand the how lonely you can feel surrounded by families and couples and groups of people at a Christmas service, or even at home with your own family as siblings are married, engaged, off with significant others and you are the only consistently single one throughout the years; regardless of the effort you make, the ways you put yourself out there...
At a season when you want nothing more than to be filled with joy and thankfulness, its only too easy to just feel empty and as though the things you dream about just... don't matter.
I love my family. I am grateful for this year, for time with my sisters and parents, for my brother and sister-in-law and time with my niece and nephew. But I can't help but feel the tug that I don't want to be the only one without my own version of family, whatever that may look like.