As a single lady who has recently left the very tumultuous and wandering age of a twenty-something to venture into the big, real adult world of being thirty- I am still constantly rendered about seventeen when it comes to the male species.
One thing that truly baffles me is how easy it is for me to make guy friends. I have an older brother who, for the most part, I've always gotten along with great. I'm sure he was annoyed with me tagging along in high school and he's definitely bugged the heck outta me at times, but I've always been friends with him- and via that, I was always friends with his friends.
Then I started accumulating my own guy friends as the years went on. Partly because there just seemed to be a shortage of girls my age and partly, because guys were way more easy going. The female friends I did have were constantly involved in DRAMA.
I fell into an easy rhythm; I’m fairly laid-back, I love music and even venture into the world of technology occasionally. Also, I’m super sarcastic and I take teasing/ribbing with a pinch of salt. The only thing I really don’t give a fig about is sports, but I’m honest and upfront about that right off the bat. (Ha. Sports cliche to describe my lack of interest in The Sports.)
My question is, how do you break out of this pattern? Because, let’s be honest, I usually end up falling for one of my guy “friends”. It makes perfect sense to me. I’m looking for someone I can have fun with, laugh, have things in common… ultimately, friendship. (Duh, attraction and all that matters, of course, but really, the root of it is friendship!)
And, can we just say, it generally ends rather disastrously? It would seem, that after being friend-zoned, or placed in the buddy category, these dudes couldn’t possibly see me as a...gasp...female. I’ve heard it all. Seen it all. They like my best friend. My sister. It just “didn’t work” between us (seriously person who shall remained unnamed, you never once told me we were trying anything other than friendship? So thanks for the surprise test.) I’m “cooler than cool” but dude didn’t feel romantic towards me. (Again, guy. I didn’t want to marry you, just hang out some more and get to know you. No one even said anything about romance. We just met. Chill.) Or guy friend eventually asks me to befriend the girl he’s interested in… (he had NO clue how I felt apparently, haha. Thankfully I was over him by that point. Still, kinda awkward.)
My lady friends give me a myriad of advice and support. All of it is well-intentioned and some of it valid and true. I hear a lot about when the right one comes… But this leads to another conundrum… the THE ONE debate. Like, soul mates? Which, I don’t really believe in.
I don’t believe in.
Love is a choice. Yes, once you choose someone, they are your one. But I truly think there are options to who you could be with. Not all of them are great options, you might have a few that could work, but the narrowing down of it is a choice. Not a chance spotting by Prince Charming.
Every single person over the age of twenty-seven also has one or two “realist” friends. Those people who just want to “speak truth” to you. (I think the church has ruined that phrase for me… if you ever utter it in my presence without the tone of sarcasm, I may smack you.) They are, for the most part, married. Maybe have a kid or two. They tell you how challenging marriage is. Then they encourage you to “live life!” and “do things!”. You can’t wait around for someone… who… may not come. Maybe God has another plan for you! They really just don’t know.
While I appreciate… honesty? I really don’t want a happily married friend relaying the hardships of companionship to me, when I would give anything to not have to sleep alone every night, or drive home from parties and family gatherings to a quiet, empty apartment. I don’t want lies, but I do need to be encouraged. To dream. To hope. To believe. Seriously. Every person who isn’t single by choice at the age of thirty needs that in their life, whether they’ll admit it or not.
And that’s it. I don’t have anything else witty to say. I’m just a buddy-girl-pal-friend, who is frustrated because all of her best lady friends have gone off and gotten married and there are only so many nerdy TV shows you can watch with a guy friend if he’s not gonna put a ring on it, ya know?