Sometimes I wonder

Why I am trying so hard

To be someone I once was

(But honestly never was)

Why do we allow

Those who tried to fit us into

A box that was too small

To influence the way we live

These ghosts, a wisp of a past

That no longer exists

And I'm afraid of their scowl

The scolding e-mails

If I stepped off of the line

Someone with rules I never agreed to

Would click and send

It made me cringe then

And yet I still flinch

Afraid to fully show who I am

To use all my words

Fully be who I am

I want to grow

And not to feel

The weight and guilt that I no longer

Accept and choose to carry

I am me

Beautiful, messy, free, loving

A woman, a being, I am full of 

Dreams and desires, words and hopes

Do not look my way

And wish I was another

I am happy, and who I am meant to be.