Afraid: A List

I am afraid. 

I am afraid of heights, and of spiders.

Of falling, being in claustrophobic places. 

I am afraid of tornadoes. 

The dentist.

I am afraid of large groups of people where I have to make small talk and try and fit in.

I am am afraid of dark basements.

I am afraid of touching raw meat.

 

I am afraid of losing people I love.

Afraid of speaking up- but even more afraid of not.

I fear judgement from people who assume they have life figured out- especially when my life is not their life.

 

I am afraid of being alone.

I am afraid of settling.

I am afraid of staying put, I am afraid to leave.

 

I am afraid to love, but I am more afraid to lose hope.

 

I’m afraid no one will ever be waiting for me at home.

I’m afraid I’ll never feel at home.

 

I’m afraid of being open and honest, because others are afraid of honesty.

 

I’m afraid of putting on a mask, or a face to please others.

Of telling only the happy stories.

I’m afraid of having to be someone I’m not. 

I’m afraid of other people lying to me.

Of people leaving.

Of people not giving me a chance.

Of feeling like I’m always the one left waiting.

 

I am afraid. 

But, strangely, I’m not afraid of being afraid.