No one really tells you
That mainly it's important for a person
To be there. 
Soulmates and connections are dreamy
But for all the heartbeat skips and giddy feelings
Someone who is on the sofa
Next to you
That's important
-Em Ogden, June 26, 2017

We've all met a person(or persons)that makes our stomachs do weird flippy-floppy things. Has us blinking in amazement and gushing to our best friends... "We have so much in common! Its scary, weird, uncanny!" The kind of person and connection that makes you fall quick and hard and see cartoon hearts and want to just hold hands and jump on a plane to Paris with a virtual stranger. Its like falling headfirst into adventure and possibilities, you feel like singing and dancing and making so many exceptions.

Red flags turn a muted rose color because you're up to the challenge for something so real. So intense... 

...But he's a traveling musician who is used to a lot of attention and girls fawning over him... and you aren't that sort of girl...

Or he's going through a life crisis and says "you're wonderful" but pulls the rug out from under you, causing that falling in like feeling to be more like rolling down a set of stairs onto a pile of rocks. 

The main thing? Though there were connections, they weren't ever really... there. They were existing in a dreamy, pastel colored other-world that played love songs by Angus and Julia Stone and where you could stay up 'til 2am every night giggling into a phone. 

The real world, real people... maybe they aren't as "dreamy". But maybe its nice to not always feel nauseous. (lets face it, that's what those damn butterflies do anyhow.) While the allure of someone who is a free-spirit, an artist, who is super passionate and sensitive is addictive...

...someone who will hug you on a Monday, or hold your hand on the sofa, or take you for coffee and shopping for records on the weekend... that's special.

Relationships and communication are hard enough without your body and mind feeling like they're reeling. All. The. Time. Maybe the sound of a steady beating heart beneath your head is the real lovely thing... because its there. And you're there. And you can't hug someone who is miles away emotionally and physically... you can't hold the hand of someone that is so caught up in personal drama that they have no free hand to offer.

You are worth someone having two hands free to offer, a beating heart to rest your head upon. You should be taken out for coffee and made to laugh while being able to see the light dance in their eyes. You deserve someone being present. Someone being there. 




On the Map

I am, a self proclaimed (and proven) nomad. Since moving out of my parent's home approximately 9.5 years ago, I have moved ten times. (More if you include time living abroad!) 

I easily find myself restless, dreaming of new places, scenes, cities to explore, a new room, a new space. Always feeling as though where I am at is just a touch from where I really want to be.

Today I was struck by the [simple] thought:

I am not looking for a geographical location.

I am looking for a person- for connection, and, ultimately, love. I am searching for my person. Once  found, I am confident a lot of my restlessness, feelings of being discontent will ease, regardless of my location on a map. 

Please don't read into this that I believe love will solve all of my issues- or that I have an idealistic idea of perfection in a relationship. Believe me, you don't manage to reach your thirties as a single person in the age of online dating apps and relationships, and believe in Prince Charming. (who, btw, is really creepy when you break it down. All the Disney princes are. But that's a soap box for another time.)

So I'm looking for my person. And I won't say that once I meet him I'll give up my wandering ways- I still want to see the world. To live in new places, explore and get lost... but I truly believe that the urgency to escape and start over, that some of that will fade away.

Maybe its a romantic notion, and you all are shaking your head at my naivete, but I'm clinging to this.

I have lost a lot of hope, and romance sails out the door in this current dating culture, so any dreams, any longings of a tiny bit of magic mixed with love? I'm holding them close.