Because otherwise? Otherwise, I'd give in to exhaustion, keep my sweatpants on, my hair in a crappy bun and just binge-watch Netflix at home for the rest of my life.
The effort can be exhausting. I am constantly putting myself out there. Continually trying to not only conjure fascinating conversation, be cute and be myself, but also trying to figure out if the guy across from me is worth my time, or if he'll just be someone who will try to get me to spend the night, then never talk to me again.
That on the RARE occasion I get butterflies in my stomach when meeting someone ( I mean, unless you've done dating apps, YOU HAVE NO CLUE HOW DISAPPOINTING IT IS.) ... I want to tell my friends about it. To you, it may feel like I've told you about 10 of these sorts of guys over the past year... but, to quote Chelsea from the podcast "I've been on lots of dates....I haven't dated lots of guys."
All of this leads to so many questions, it leads to thoughts that my friends reassure me have no truth- and I believe them. I have grown to be a confident woman, from a shy, timid girl, to someone who accepts herself. I'm silly and weird and quirky and sometimes too serious and sad, but I also am sarcastic and you'll never find someone who loves laughing more than I do. I like to dress creatively and wear hats, and I have never been able to pinpoint a career because I love too many things. I have an extensive religious background that doesn't necessarily play strongly into my current life, but the influence is there. I love my family and friends, and have traveled all over the world. I take photos and play music, cut hair and design interiors. I can build things and write, cook and bake, and vintage shop, I read books and listen to NPR and try to stay informed on politics....
...and yet I find myself doubting whether the cute AND interesting guy I had drinks with will keep interest in me. That he won't just hug me at the end of the date, and keep swiping as soon as he gets home.
If I'll forever be the single friend making light of her newest awkward Tinder date at the couples dinner party, traveling solo to hang out with my friend's and their families... staying at my parent's on Christmas Eve in whatever unoccupied bed is available due to my siblings and their families/spouses requiring more room.